What Postpartum Is Actually Requiring of Me
I am five weeks postpartum with my second child. And I’m going to be honest with you, I may have remembered my postpartum journey with my first through rose-colored glasses. 😂
In my mind, I remembered long stretches at home binging TV, taking my baby everywhere on my hip, being spoiled with visitors and treats, and somehow not missing a beat.
That has not been my experience this time. Granted, a lot is different now. I’m older; I was in my twenties with Ava. I’m not new to motherhood anymore; I’ve kept a human alive and thriving for eleven years. I’m balancing a career now. And instead of caring for one child, I’m juggling two.
But even still, this postpartum season has felt almost opposite from the first.
Yes, I’m binging TV. But not in the cozy, carefree way I remembered. It’s plagued by baby cries, unfinished episodes, getting up for diapers, making bottles, and trying to soothe a newborn who will only contact-nap.
And I completely forgot about the quarantining phase of postpartum. The hesitation around weather, germs, crowds, and hauling stuff. There’s so little you can control with a newborn that eventually you remember why so many mothers quietly retreat inward for this season. So the version of me that’s casually roaming around town with a baby on my hip? That didn’t realistically happen until Ava was closer to six months old.
Even the support has looked different this time around. At first, I thought maybe support had lessened because I’m a second-time mom. Namely, there were fewer people stopping by to help hold the baby while I showered or tidied up while I rested.
But as I’ve reflected on it more, I don’t actually think there’s been less support. I think the support just looks different. There’s less in-person hovering and more text check-ins and Uber Eats gift cards. And I think this is a result of more people assuming I know what I’m doing this time around.
And honestly, as I sit here on the hamster wheel of the newborn trenches, I’m forced me to rethink some of my expectations about the postpartum journey altogether.
Here’s what this season is actually requiring of me:
1. To become more self-sufficient
I realized I was quietly but seriously depending on a certain level of support this time around. And when it didn’t come in the exact ways I expected, I felt disappointed, overwhelmed, and honestly a little abandoned.
But postpartum is teaching me that I can be self-sufficient. And more importantly that self-sufficiency does not mean “doing everything alone.” Rather it means understanding what I actually need.
What gaps are happening in my day?
What support would genuinely help?
What systems can make this easier?
Because I can’t advocate for, or provide, the support I need if I haven’t even identified it for myself first.
2. To redefine productivity
This one has probably been the hardest adjustment. I’m used to measuring productivity through output. Through emails answered, content created, tasks completed, and conversations had.
But right now, productivity looks like diapers changed, bottles finished, naps soothed, and a baby who feels cozy in my arms. And I’m slowly realizing that caring for her around the clock is not keeping me from meaningful work. Right now, it is the meaningful work.
3. To stop fearing age so much
If I’m honest, I worried about being older this time around. I assumed recovery would automatically be harder because I’m no longer in my twenties. (I mean that’s what they tell us, right?)
Ironically, my physical recovery has actually been much smoother this time. Its been faster, easier, and less traumatic. And I didn’t even do anything particularly impressive to make that happen. It’s been a reminder that age really is not the expiration date they make it out to be and my body is continually able to do the hard things.
I still getting my bearings in this version of motherhood. There are moments where I feel deeply capable and moments where I feel completely consumed by the repetitive rhythm of newborn life. But maybe postpartum is less about “bouncing back” and more about ushering in the new chapter altogether.
